Is it possible to just be friends?
I've been having this conversation a lot lately. And while I want to believe that it can be possible, I've been proved wrong too many times. So I'm hesitant to build friendships with any man at all.
Because people lie, things change, boundaries get crossed constantly, and I don't need that complication in my life right now.
I've tried to make these friendships work but they've almost always failed eventually.
I guess I have this trust issue.
Because back in college one of my closest friends was a guy that I'd initially had feelings for but grew out of fast because he wasn't interested. We developed a close friendship because of our similar tastes in music and shared interests. I could tell him anything. I got too comfortable. He tried to fuck me twice, succeeded once. I never gave consent. And then nothing was the same.
Or what about that time when I met this guy who claimed to want to be my friend after I'd clearly stated that I was seeing someone. I naively believed for a moment that we could really be friends. It took him less than a week to show me otherwise. All he wanted to talk about were ways that he was romantic. Even though I emphasized several times that I was emotionally unavailable and just plain uninterested he sent several pleas for me to call him and apologies if he offended me. He also left a handful of voicemails, one in particular that scared me--he was crying.
Even distance hasn't been enough of a deterring factor for some guys to cross that line. It started out as what seemed to be a genuine friendship. I was interested in his development as a writer, maybe he was also interested in mine. I found in him someone to converse with about writing and reading but also about life. I cared about his success & well being (I still do) but I was never going to be romantically invested in him. At that point I was in love, in a serious relationship I thought was going to be for forever. He constantly disregarded this and admitted his feelings for me. When I couldn't reciprocate he dropped me altogether.
The point is that someone will always want more. Egos get bruised, feelings get hurt, boundaries get disregarded, and people lose self-control. It's difficult to let your guard down in that kind of situation. & it's difficult not to feel betrayed if something does happen.
I've been having this conversation a lot lately. And while I want to believe that it can be possible, I've been proved wrong too many times. So I'm hesitant to build friendships with any man at all.
Because people lie, things change, boundaries get crossed constantly, and I don't need that complication in my life right now.
I've tried to make these friendships work but they've almost always failed eventually.
I guess I have this trust issue.
Because back in college one of my closest friends was a guy that I'd initially had feelings for but grew out of fast because he wasn't interested. We developed a close friendship because of our similar tastes in music and shared interests. I could tell him anything. I got too comfortable. He tried to fuck me twice, succeeded once. I never gave consent. And then nothing was the same.
Or what about that time when I met this guy who claimed to want to be my friend after I'd clearly stated that I was seeing someone. I naively believed for a moment that we could really be friends. It took him less than a week to show me otherwise. All he wanted to talk about were ways that he was romantic. Even though I emphasized several times that I was emotionally unavailable and just plain uninterested he sent several pleas for me to call him and apologies if he offended me. He also left a handful of voicemails, one in particular that scared me--he was crying.
Even distance hasn't been enough of a deterring factor for some guys to cross that line. It started out as what seemed to be a genuine friendship. I was interested in his development as a writer, maybe he was also interested in mine. I found in him someone to converse with about writing and reading but also about life. I cared about his success & well being (I still do) but I was never going to be romantically invested in him. At that point I was in love, in a serious relationship I thought was going to be for forever. He constantly disregarded this and admitted his feelings for me. When I couldn't reciprocate he dropped me altogether.
The point is that someone will always want more. Egos get bruised, feelings get hurt, boundaries get disregarded, and people lose self-control. It's difficult to let your guard down in that kind of situation. & it's difficult not to feel betrayed if something does happen.
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