I'm kind of a mess. There's this duality that I can't seem to shake. I feel myself running away but at the same time, I'm begging to stay.
I keep finding myself disappointed. I'm not surprised. It's like I do this to myself, I'm attracted to disappointing people, like moths to the light. Maybe I'm just scared. Scared to be fixed completely only to be broken all over again. it's easier to stay broken. It's easier to set myself up for failure. If I don't aim for better...
I'm not too good at completing my thoughts.
This is all to say that maybe it's time I start allowing myself to want more.
I'm not the smartest or most confident. But I can't handle all this bullshit I've allowed to happen anymore. Everyone is so afraid of actually feeling things, myself included.
I'm too addicted, fixated on extremes: I'm all in or I'm walking away. I'm not shy when it comes to asking for more, problem is, I've been asking all the wrong people.
I might not know what I want & I might not be able to control it all, but I don't intend on wasting anyone's time.
Yeah, I get it. Life is complicated. Some things I'm willing to deal with, others I'm ready to cut the cord, consider this my notice.
In the larger scope of things, I'm a lot less likely to go running to the arms of just any man because I finally have a place that feels like home. <3.