Talking makes me ridiculously uncomfortable. It always has. In general, I have trouble believing that I have anything valuable to offer in conversations. In relationships, talking makes me feel vulnerable and needy—feelings I’d rather avoid feeling. What this means is that I usually avoid initiating communication at all cost, especially when it comes to defining the relationship. As a result, I spent my early twenties doing one of two things: if I didn’t think I had any other options, I would continue dating a guy until it became absolutely clear where I stood, if I knew I had other options, I would move on to those other options without so much as an explanation.
I realize now that both types of responses were wrong on my part and clear indicators that I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship—after all, if I couldn’t have one simple, but very important, conversation, how could I ever expect a relationship to last?
Truth is I still struggle to have that conversation. I have this unrealistic belief that a man would define the relationship before I get to the point where I start wondering what we’re doing dating each other. I also have this tendency to rush into things and also to believe that a lack of commitment is a reflection on me, a result of my inadequacies.
What I realize now though is that I can’t read minds and it’s not wrong for me to wonder where a relationship is going. I also realize that if a man honestly cares about you, then he won’t mind having this conversation. And if he does mind, then maybe he’s not the one.
I realize now that both types of responses were wrong on my part and clear indicators that I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship—after all, if I couldn’t have one simple, but very important, conversation, how could I ever expect a relationship to last?
Truth is I still struggle to have that conversation. I have this unrealistic belief that a man would define the relationship before I get to the point where I start wondering what we’re doing dating each other. I also have this tendency to rush into things and also to believe that a lack of commitment is a reflection on me, a result of my inadequacies.
What I realize now though is that I can’t read minds and it’s not wrong for me to wonder where a relationship is going. I also realize that if a man honestly cares about you, then he won’t mind having this conversation. And if he does mind, then maybe he’s not the one.
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